Cover Letter

I wrote this cover letter the last time I was entrenched in permanent job search mode. It was some sort of cathartic blowing off steam moment. I actually sent in an application.

Delicatessen & Cheese Shop Inc.
2863 Foul Bay Road
Victoria, British Columbia, V8R 5G5

Mickey LeSouris

38 Mouseketeer Blvd.

Apartment #1 small hole behind the fridge.

V1C 2H3

To whom it may concern.

You say you are looking for a special individual. I think I fit the bill. My resting heart rate is around 180 bpm. I have a sleek, grey coating of fur that allows me to appear at once erudite and compassionate.

Small and fast paced environment? That pretty much describes my evolutionary niche! Weaving away from the brooms of frantic house wives and predatory felines. And when it comes to the gastronomical mysteries of that tender yellow goddess that you sell in your store, I am both knowledgeable and passionate. In my sleep I have been known to cry tearfully: ‘le fromage! mon amour!’  I have eaten rancid bits of Kraft Singles ™ off of the bottom of smelly work boots. I have also let world famous Bree’s melt in my mouth, nibbled with the earnestness of a crack addict on a fresh slice of Gorgonzola , and let a heavenly morcel of Bleu age in my mouth for 6 weeks.

Your browser may not support display of this image. She is my religion. My first love.  My raison d’etre. Why do I fit? Because I weigh 230 grams. Why should you hire me? Because I have 230 grams of heart.

Seriously. I freaking love cheese.
Yours tastefully,

Good Morning Mickey!

Thank you very much for submitting your application for a position with Charelli‘s. Unfortunately at this time we can not accept another application for applicants of your type due to possible inspection risks. We would however like to keep it on file for our new location which will require at least one friend like you.

Have a great day!


PS. The funniest applicant by far! We laughed!


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