Wanderers Stand Tall, Beaconsfield Bends Over

(Context: Montreal Premier Division Rugby Game Recap.)
Forgive me the graphic metaphor, but the Wanderers win over Beaconsfield makes me think of the R-word. Much like the infamous sex crime, the Wanderers victory was by no means easy. Beaconsfield struggled with feminine desperation to stay even with the Wanderers while the unblinking July sun beat down like the lens of a video camcorder. But after 80 minutes, the inevitable deed was done. Beaconsfield limped off the field, their eyes vacant, their pride destroyed.The Wanderers managed five mouth-watering tries on the afternoon. Fast hands through physical specimen Ted McGregor, Caleb Balloch, Maxime Lessard (surprisingly), Adrian Thorogood liberated winger Matt “Baby Gap” Barazin (click here to see what he wore to the game:) who fought through end zone tackles to score a textbook try between the posts.

The backs tallied again on the other wing. Matt Barazin cut wide on a blindside crash and got the ball through the hands to Chris Brockwell. He attributed his corner try to the his stoic night of ‘going out to the club and even though my boys bought a bottle of Grey Goose and we were out with like, SEVEN girls, I drank water.’

That’s commitment Brocks.

A Wanderers 2nd row sub, known only as Gary Bucy, scored a celebrity try, after taking an inside pop from Ted McGregor from 20 yards out. He was later booked for eccentric behaviour. He paid for his success, awarded jersey washing duty after the game. Lawrence di Pilato received man of the match for his impact play as a back row substitution. His teammates expressed their appreciation by repeatedly slapping him on the back after the game. This ‘new’ tradition, invented by Matt Barazin, is now affectionately called ‘Bare-backing.’

Center Adrian Thorogood diffused a 3 on 1 with a delightful pick and won the 60 yard footrace to the white line with footsteps behind him the whole way. Much to the chagrin of his hobbled ankles, it was not a defender but the fastidious referee who had shadowed his run.

Winger Gideon Balloch helped to cap off the scoring with a scintillating run. His thuggish older brother Caleb finished on an ensuing pick and go. Despite a 10 meter gap and an absolute penury of defenders, Caleb made six cuts on the way to the line, accompanied with sound effects. Fhhh! Fhhh! Fhhh! Fhhh! Fhhh! Fhhh!

Flyhalf Ryan Leenhouts showed up with his high percentage boots to slot a cheeky penalty kick that bounced off the crossbar and a handful of conversions.

Besides a couple of ill-advised chips from ego-swollen forwards Ted McGregor and Karl Cernovitch, their were few embarrassing moments for the Wanderers. The only real controversy of the afternoon was a racist Beaconsfield 2nds team winger called Stu “Panda bear” Young a “Chin-tok”. A bench brawl ensued, led by the ferocious Johnny Yu. Let this be a message to the whole of Quebec rugby. Nobody slings racist slurs at a Wanderer. We always stand up for our slanty-eyed brethren.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: